I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize