theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
