I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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