just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
