Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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