the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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