i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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