I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
