I wannas sexs uuuuu
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
