Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
