Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
