she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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