can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
