cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
