We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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