she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
