Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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