You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
