You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
