She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
