you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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