Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
50% drunk capacity currently
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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