If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
