6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
