did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
