How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
