I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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