Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
