I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
