That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
