i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
