This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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