Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
