ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
