my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Someone shit on the floor
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
