I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize