Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
