Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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