pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
