Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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