they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize