i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
