8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
