I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
