Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
