I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
