Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
