clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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