You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
