So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
