omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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