I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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