the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
