Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
