are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize