ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
