we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
