So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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