just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
