dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
