Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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