moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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