If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
