Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
