Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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