I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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