New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
