I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
