Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
