I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
