yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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