Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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