she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
