she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
