i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
