sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
