Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
