I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Randomize
