id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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