Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
