I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
