so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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