babies were throwing up all over the place
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
