So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
