You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize