I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
