Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
