Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
