My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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