When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize