tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
