Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
