I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
