I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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