About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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