he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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