Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize