found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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