I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
