isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
